HOLDING OFF? - Why holding off making a real change is actually doing you more harm than good

TimeMaking changeAchieving goalsLifestyle

Jun 1

Can you remember what you were doing this time last year?

Does it feel like it was twelve months ago?

Time flies doesn’t it? That’s what we all say and chat about, maybe with our family as we ponder over how fast the little ones have become biggish ones, or perhaps with friends as you reminisce about crazy nights out when you were young, single and very carefree. It’s such a common thing to make conversation about, even with a stranger when we use it as an easy topic to connect with - “Can you believe it’s already June? Where has this year gone too?”

Time holds so much over how we think, feel and plan. How much time has gone by, how much time until our next special event to look forward to, how much time until we next eat, how much time we don’t have to do all the things we need to get done. The funny thing is, time holds us to ransom in so many ways, yet we use it to hold us back in pretty impactful ways.

It’s the block that stands in our way in so many situations. When it comes to doing things in your life, usually things you know you want to do, that you know will make your life better (whatever that might mean to you), it’s the thing that stands between you and making the change happen. I’ve heard it so many times, and to be honest, used it a fair few times myself over the years - “I just don’t have time.”

If you’re at a point in your life where you know that something needs to change because you’re struggling, maybe due to overwhelm, stress, constant tiredness or lack of focus, you’re probably at a crossroads. The easiest option is to move forward, but there’s a great big thick black cloud standing in your way - time. If you had more time, then it would be possible to move forward, onto the path you wish you could take and make the changes you want so badly.

Instead, as you look left and right, you see your reality. It’s probably going to bring with it another few junctions and hurdles to manoeuvre, but logic tells you they’re the only options you have right now. You probably use that little voice inside your head to tell you it’s ok to take one of these turns, because there’s always next week, next month or next year. It assures you you’re fine to keep going as you are, that there’s no alternative, that you just have to put up and shut up.

Sounds harsh and pretty damaging, doesn’t it?

I’ve put many things off in my adult lifetime. I know you will have to. The problem with this is when you put off things that would have made your life so much better. You might get there in the end, but the route you took by putting it off all those months or years ago, equals lost time and probably happiness too.

What I’ve learned is that sometimes you really do need to take that first step much sooner than you might wait to take it. I get it’s tough, especially when your plate already feels full and you probably feel like your reality is one of balancing many spinning plates, not just the one.

This in itself is why taking a pause and working out how to get the changes you want to be put into action is the path you need to take sooner not later.

We all have the same amount of time every day. We all have different priorities and commitments that we have to spend our time on, likewise, we all have time we spend on things that aren’t adding much value to our wellbeing and overall life. It’s not something you’re probably giving very much thought to, as you’re too busy to do so!

If you were to stop and reflect on where your time is going, you might see opportunities to spend that time differently.

Something that has driven me to be more considerate about how I spend my time and look at the things I want to have in my life sooner rather than later, was appreciating how short life is and being clear on how I want to live my one short life. It sounds deep I know, and maybe you might also think it slightly morbid. It’s actually the reverse, it’s enlightening and empowering. By accepting the reality of life - that you will die - you can be more intentional about how you live it.

I’ve always been afraid of death and it still petrifies me, but although not being here scares me, it also brings with it a drive to live my life the way I truly want to, and for me, that entails living it as healthy and well as I can. We each have the power within us to take care of ourselves to maximise our longevity and how we experience the time we have here. I want to own that power and know I’m giving myself the best chance of enjoying my life now as well as further down the line.

I was inspired and motivated to feel this way following a few personal things that have occurred to me and my family over the years. I also read a great book a few years ago by Bronnie Ware, called ‘The Top Five regrets of the Dying’. It’s a life-changing read that I highly recommend and have recently heard it referenced by several motivational speakers including Steven Bartlett, Dr Rangan Chaterjee and Mel Robbins.

It talks about the clarity and vision people gain as they near the end of their lives. They share what they wish they’d done differently in their lives. It’s pretty emotional reading but at the same time, thought-provoking and inspiring.

So, let your mind pause a moment now to reflect on your life as you come towards its end. What would you want to lie there feeling happy, satisfied and fulfilled about? What would you not want to be lying with regret about?

“Time is a really precious gift that we are all given. How we choose to use that gift will determine whether we are creating a life of regret or a life of joy, and the choice is ours.”

— Bronnie Ware

Here are the top five regrets Bronnie bases her book on:

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish I had let myself be happier.

Getting clear on how you want to look back on your life brings the opportunity to create the vision now of how you truly want to live your life.

So, if you’ve been putting things off, blaming lack of time and convincing yourself it is what it is and you’ll get around to it eventually, please think about how you can change these very limiting thoughts and beliefs. Instead, think about what truly matters to you and how you make now your time to take a first little step towards making the change you wish you could make.