When my anxiety started in 1995 the word wasn’t even applied to what I was feeling, even by the doctor. In fact I remember him referring to it as ‘another funny turn’. Nor was mental health a mainstream phrase in our language. It was something that when I did start to hear it meant I was different in a very negative way, that I had something wrong with me that carried with it shame and stigma.

My anxiety was often crippling, resulting in severe panic attacks and years of feeling lost and frightened. I struggled for over twenty years with it at an almost constant state of severity, which of course took it’s toll on every area of my health and wellbeing.

As I’ve thought about anxiety for this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week, something that’s really become apparent is how what we see on the outside is often never what is really going on inside.

I know this was the case with me. Since I started to open up about my mental health and how I felt for so much of my adult life, I’ve received lots of messages and comments from friends, colleagues, and even family members, about how they had no idea that’s what I was going through.

At work I hid it, which naturally put a lot of further stress and pressure onto my already weakened mental health. I can only now see that the belief I carried about being ultimately weak and flawed, was the complete opposite.

I am strong and far from flawed - I was able to build a successful corporate career and achieve so much professional success that was respected by my peers and leaders. I was looked upon as somebody who had it together and was capable and determined.

On the outside it appeared I was living a very normal life and doing what someone very normal did - go to work, get paid, change jobs every few years, have a family, go on holiday, share how busy your life is = exist.

Inside I felt I was on a desperate chase, trying to stay one step ahead of my hunter, who was closing in on finding out who the real Nicola was - a freak, a flawed useless grown woman, a mother who was still cowering with fear inside, unable to stand tall and be confident.

I wished for it to be different so I spent years looking for a solution and wishing I could stop thinking about dying and feeling uncontrollable, all-consuming panic. All I wanted was to not have my heart race and feel like it was going to come to a sudden stop, be able to go about my day without thinking this was the day I would die, and to not have negative thoughts monopolise my mind.

I never imagined that I’d be here, writing this, being open about my journey and experience. Nor did I imagine, or even wish that I’d be speaking on my own podcast, hosting workshops, going live on social media, and running my own business that required my face and voice to be all over it!

Putting twenty-six years into one blog isn’t possible, but I wanted to write this to share the essence of my journey and what I have learned. Because to be here, less than two years into my entrepreneur journey, winning an award that recognises my work and mission, is something I would never have imagined in my wildest dreams.

Only three years ago I sat in my home office during lockdown, presenting on a laptop in my slippers, with my daughter doing her home-schooling in the next room, and I felt like I was about to have a full-blown panic attack and look like the biggest crazy person around. I almost couldn’t breathe, my palms were sweating, my knees knocking together under the desk, and my mind raced with how I could escape - the wifi’s gone down, the screen has frozen, the Amazon delivery is here…

I know that if I can feel and live the way I do now when only three years ago I was still stuck desperate to not feel the way I did, and wishing I could have just an ounce of confidence to get through a conversation on a screen with people I spoke to pretty much every day, you can learn how to overcome and manage your anxiety too.

The biggest three things I have learned from my own story to help you better cope with anxiety are:

1 - To understand what anxiety is and how it feels in your mind and body. When you know what is going on psychologically and physiologically it helps to give perspective and to know this isn’t you making this happen, it’s nature, it’s how our minds and bodies are meant to work. This can then truly help you to put tools and techniques in place to help you cope when these thoughts and feelings occur.

2 - Accept that anxiety is very normal and that it’s something we have to ultimately protect us. Accepting anxiety as a normal emotion helps you to recognise that you’re not alone in your struggle and that you can learn how to support yourself when these feelings and emotions arise. I fought against anxiety for so long and know that when I learned to accept it, I was then able to learn how to cope with it.

3 - Knowing how integrated the mind and body are and that anxiety isn’t something that only arises because of your mental health. Likewise that your mental health will impact your physical health. Treat your health as one whole person approach - your health. Separating them and fighting to fix one just doesn’t work. The biggest tools that support my mental health are almost all physical things. I missed this for most of those twenty-six years of the battle.

Notes:

Anxiety is a common mental health condition that manifests as persistent feelings of fear, worry, and unease. While everyone experiences anxiety to some degree, for individuals with an anxiety disorder, these feelings can be overwhelming and interfere with their daily lives. In a work setting, anxiety can result from various factors, such as heavy workloads, tight deadlines, interpersonal conflicts, or a fear of failure.

Supporting team members with anxiety in the workplace is crucial for fostering a healthy and productive work environment. Your team need to be health to help create the culture of your organisation you desire, and to deliver the results and ultimately the profits you are trying to achieve.

For support building a culture of wellbeing that supports the whole person, reach out to book a call about how we can work together.

A TRUE STORY ABOUT ANXIETY

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