LOOKING OUT - Why I’ve been living on constant guard

Remember when you were young and kept having to look over your shoulder at your sibling or friend to make sure they weren’t running off with something of yours, especially your sweets?! Maybe, if like me you had more than one sibling, it could get very noisy and hectic constantly needing to protect your ‘stuff’!

I’ve been on the lookout a lot in my adult life too. It’s been exhausting; keeping ‘watch’ over myself. I haven’t been guarding my sweets or favourite Barbie, but instead my mind. 

I didn’t have a name for it until recently, or even a term to classify what I was experiencing. I learned only recently that what I was suffering from is called ‘Imposter Syndrome’. Around 8/10, mainly high performing, women experience it. Some struggle with it their entire lives. Some are so severely impacted by it that it can run and ruin their life.

Watch one of the most powerful women we’ve seen in recent times talk about her own experience with Imposter Syndrome.

Michelle Obama opens up about the self-doubt she’s experienced while sharing some of the most powerful tables and stages in the world.

Sounds extreme, and maybe if this is new to you, you might be thinking firstly “What the hell is Imposter Syndrome?” and secondly, “Surely something in your mind can’t ruin your whole life?!”

But it’s true. 

Having a voice in your head that is constantly speaking very powerfully and negatively to you is severely damaging - and real. You believe everything this voice is telling you - Dotty as she’s now known in my case. When ‘it’ tells you how rubbish you are, how incapable of success you are, that you don’t know what you’re doing, that you’re worthless, a fraud, a joke, a failure, a freak…the list is long; you believe it. How can you not when you hear these words so often?

The voice is always there and for many people, they have no comprehension of what the voice is, why it’s saying what it is and the purpose it’s trying to serve. You accept it’s part of who you are - I mean a voice in your head has to be just a part of you as what else could it be…?

It casts doubt on your ability at work, holds you back from pushing yourself forward for new roles or promotions, makes you hide in the corner of a room or social event, it can even affect your relationships including your choice of partner.

For me, Dotty has always made me think that I was ‘not normal’. Having suffered from severe panic attacks since the age of nineteen, and diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder after many years of trying unsuccessfully to hide and manage my anxiety, Dotty loved to let me know I was not normal and that it was only a matter of time before ‘I was found out’ and my big secret would be revealed. Everyone at work would know I was really a freak. I wasn’t capable of doing the job I was in. I was an actor playing a part, who in reality was an absolute weirdo.

Wow! It’s powerful stuff isn’t it? Writing it down like this is still so impactful to me. It doesn’t just go away. You can’t easily undo years of consistency, all those words spoken so meaningfully at you.

“What makes you different or weird, that’s your strength.”

- Meryl Streep

However, the great news is you can manage your imposter. You can understand why it’s there, doing what it’s doing. You can learn that although it may seem far from helpful, it’s actually working to keep you safe. It wants to protect you from your fears, many of which are beliefs created during early childhood. These negative beliefs, termed ‘limiting beliefs’, are our underlying beliefs about who we are and our lives, often running the show for many women. Our imposter wants to protect us from them, so it tells us things to keep us away from the pain it thinks we might experience otherwise. Like if we do fail at getting the promotion we applied for. It doesn’t want us to feel hurt and not good enough, so it reminds us upfront that we aren’t good enough. Tells us we are fine just as we are, to stay here, safe and comfortable. Encouraging us to stay put and skip the heartache of not getting the new job.

I’m tuning into Dotty easier now I have more understanding of what she’s up to. I've taken the first step of learning what she’s about, and the next step of immediately picking up on her when she kicks in. That’s the big win; bringing your imposter to your consciousness. Our conscious thoughts are only around 5% of all the daily thoughts we have. So lurking in your subconscious at 95% of what you think gives your imposter a very advantageous start! But the great news is your consciousness is also powerful!

There’s no need to keep watch once you know about ‘it’. You will hear it and stop it fast, acknowledging it’s there but letting it know today you are fine, thank you very much. Today I can manage without you and think this one through on my own. Today I am going to replace it with my own voice, because in the words of my very own coaches* - “Your words create your world!”

I’m creating my world with more control and empowerment than I’ve ever felt. Now I know exactly what the imposter in my mind is about, I feel able to keep looking forward not backward. Repeating the words that will create the right path for me and my future.

*My coaches are Donna Elliott and Cheryl Lee from NOW IS YOUR TIME and recently launched their bestselling book ‘Become The Real You”. If you’re struggling with your imposter then these are the ladies to help you out!

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