IS THE WAY YOU LOOK HOLDING BACK YOUR HAPPINESS?

DietHealthMindsetWellbeingSelf confidence

Nov 28

I used to think about the Christmas party so far in advance - not so much because I was excited to go out and have fun with friends or colleagues, but because I’d need time to be ready for it, time to lose weight so I’d feel good enough to go and enjoy myself.

Have you felt like this?

There are so many events I’ve not made the most of or been able to relax and have fun at because of how I looked. The thing is, I can probably guarantee nobody else was negatively judging me because of how I looked, it was all about me, and the way I valued my worth.

I know I’m not alone in feeling like your worth is a direct link to the number on the scales. Not just the scales but also the number on the dress you fit into. That’s what held me back for so long. It’s sad and could bring a tear to my eye right now thinking about all those years, weeks, days, minutes and moments of my life wasted from worrying about needing to be a certain size, shape and weight to feel like I was good enough.

This belief many women hold is debilitating. It doesn’t just hold you back from going to events, it holds you back from going for promotions at work, maybe taking the plunge to set up your own business, spend time with friends, go on holiday, or even embark on a romantic relationship. Worse still, it holds some women back from changing relationships that may not be serving them or that is causing them mental or physical harm, because they believe they aren’t good enough or strong enough the size they are.

For me, I was never really overweight, despite believing this was 100% the case for many years. I did have a BMI that was always called out on medical checks as being just inside the overweight range, which is in itself another number that causes hurt and damage because of the very old-fashioned and rigid way it is calculated. I felt overweight for many reasons, probably the same as most women - you don’t look like the women you see in the media who are portrayed as the ‘right sized women’.

The lead-up to Christmas meant going on a diet and cutting back as much as possible to wear something I’d feel comfortable and worthy in for the office party or girls' night out. It was also linked to knowing that Christmas meant indulging and with that came extra pounds on the scales and back to the drawing board on the 1st of January. The more weight I could lose before December, the more I could eat over the festive period and the easier it would be to get back to my usual weight come January. Even writing this exhausts me!

This culture of yo-yo dieting for special occasions so you feel and look your best is unfortunately very common, but so many people, because it’s not purely a struggle for females, are caught in this cycle for most of their adult lives. I have friends in their forties, fifties and even sixties, who are battling a constant war with their weight as they feel such low self-worth and self-esteem because of their size.

Do you really want to look back on your life at the end and think to yourself - “Why did I waste so much time obsessing over my size and missing so many amazing moments?”

I absolutely stand for a healthy weight and do encourage this for your overall health, but for me, it’s no longer about a number on the scales. It’s about how I feel holistically, and that I feel that way because of the lifestyle I am living. Yes, there are times when even the stretchy leggings stretch that little bit more, and it’s uncomfortable to wear jeans for a family meal because I know the button will dig in as soon as I’m halfway through the main course. We’re human!

I’m all about balance and knowing that the total of my habits is serving me well. That they’re helping me to take care of my body and mind - because your mind is a huge piece of the puzzle in how you feel and value yourself. So long as I know that I am taking action every day to take care of myself and help myself to feel strong and well, I’m happy. It’s not about perfection, which is what I was ultimately striving for all of those years. It’s about finding what works for you based on what you need in your life right now. Our lives change, we go through different seasons and they each bring with them a new set of things we need to focus on and support ourselves more or less with than in the season before.

The biggest thing of all that’s changed for me over the past few years is that I don’t worry about starving myself to feel good enough and ready to have a good time. I won’t let a social occasion pass by or fill me with dread because I haven’t had time to diet. I also won’t let more valuable minutes of my life be consumed with feeling like I’m failing because I’m not a certain size or shape.

Instead, I’ll spend those minutes thinking about the fun I’m going to have at the ball I’m going to this weekend, or the girls' night out we’ve had planned since August for a Christmas showcase spectacular with plenty of fizz. I’ll spend it knowing I have a lifestyle that respects my mind, body and soul, and that I am living the kind of life I want where I enjoy everything I can in the knowledge I am always putting my happiness first.