CRACKING THE HABIT CODE - The secret to building habits that stick

Aug 31

Anything that you want to do differently in your life usually happens because you work at it. You get clear on what you want to change, and why you want to change it, and then you build a plan to get there. It’s pretty simple when you break it down and remove all the crap.

There lies the problem - ‘All the crap!’

Think back to a time when you knew you wanted to change something in your life. Maybe it was to leave a job and start a new one elsewhere with better future growth and earning potential. It could have been in a romantic relationship that wasn’t exactly romantic anymore, so it felt like time to end it. Or, maybe it was something like quitting smoking or going vegetarian. Whatever the example you can think of, it most likely came about because you didn’t feel satisfied or happy with how your life was, so you wanted to stop the thing that was contributing to this feeling, and replace it with an alternative thing that would have a better impact on your happiness and life satisfaction.

Once you knew what it was you wanted to change, you’ll have thought about why you wanted to change it. You had to have a reason, otherwise, you’d have just stayed exactly where you were, not very happy, but comfortable that it was just a part of who you were and your life. So, you knew why you wanted to quit smoking, for example, maybe for health reasons or even financial given the vast price rises in tobacco over the years, which for many have failed to be a deterrent.

Next, it was about working out a way to make it happen - go cold turkey, visit your doctor for a prescription for a nicotine replacement solution, wean yourself off gradually, or maybe some alternative treatment such as hypnotherapy. Done.

But then the crap got in the way of you making it happen. It seemed pretty straightforward when you got your plan together in your head. It seemed completely possible to stop smoking and get yourself nicotine free in 3 months. It just didn’t pan out that way.

So many people fall at the first hurdle when it comes to making a change. They don’t even take the first step forward. A small percentage do, but they don’t go much further. So why is this the case when you know you want it and you have a plan that isn’t exactly rocket science?

There are a few reasons but most of them link to one thing - your self-worth.

Self-worth is the value you have of yourself. It’s what you believe about yourself and being your own cheerleader, supporting yourself to be the best you can be. What happens for many people when they start with wanting to make a change is their self-worth is missing or too low. This leads them to have feelings of self-doubt, anxiety over their ability to change, and low self-esteem creating negative thoughts about not being good enough to become the person they want to become. There are lots of other ‘self’ feelings that link into this stage of the change process - confidence, love, understanding, acceptance, reliance, and motivation.

Imagine that example you just had in your head turning out differently. Imagine it ending the way you’d planned it to. What would have had to happen differently to the way it did happen to get that result? Did you need to have more self-confidence or self-belief that although it felt hard and challenging, you had it in you to push forward and achieve it? Perhaps it was more self-love and respect you were missing to have the strength to know walking away from that damaging and one-way relationship you prolonged way beyond its best before date.

This is the secret to building habits. To launch yourself off the starting block you need to know your value and self-worth. Because, as much as you know why you want to change something, you have to know you’re worthy of making that change. You need to feel and believe you have it in you to become the person with the life you dream of living. When you have this belief you build your power and motivation which are key to forming new habits.

There is no quick fix to put a new habit in place, nor is there an easy route to follow. A habit will always take willpower, commitment and consistency. A habit is a behaviour or action that is repeated enough times to become a habit - something your subconscious chooses to do because it’s done it enough times to know that’s the right solution.

The reason so many people fail to get anywhere close to establishing habits is that they need to change something and the change requires a firm sense of self-worth to take the first step. If you did ever get off the starting block for anything you wanted to change up in your life, how long did you stay committed and consistent before you gave up? What made you give up?

I hear people talk about it being too hard. It doesn’t matter what it is - a relationship break-up, a house move, weight loss, getting fit, even reading every night. It quickly feels like a chore and something that takes too much work, so you tell yourself it’s too hard, that you don’t have it in you to be disciplined enough to keep going, or that you’re probably ok as you are and can ‘make do’, even though inside you know it’s not what you want for your life. You fill your head full of so much crap.

All these crappy thoughts and feelings lead to self-doubt creating in which impacts your self-worth. You’re not capable / good enough / skilled / ready / strong / disciplined / focused. You tell yourself a host of negative things about your ability to achieve the change and guess what? Your brain believes them. Your brain doesn’t know what is and is not reality, so all those things you tell yourself become your truth. You give up.

Now, I want you to think about a change you’ve been considering making but putting off and ask yourself why. There’ll be a load of reasons that seem very logical and practical, but all of these can be navigated and overcome if you want to. Ask yourself what’s really stopping you. I bet the answer is you.