How to take control of midlife stress before it breaks you

Jul 30

Rethinking stress in midlife: It’s not all in your head, but it starts there

So many women reach their forties or fifties carrying a heavy mental load that they can’t quite explain. You might be ticking the boxes, holding it all together on the outside, and yet inside? You feel wired, weary, and constantly stretched. Sound familiar?

This was certainly my story. Forty-five, frazzled, unhappy, overwhelmed, and struggling with the burden of chronic stress.

In a recent episode of my Women’s Health Unwrapped podcast, I spoke to personal performance and wellbeing coach Gail Grace about a topic that so many of us are quietly navigating: midlife burnout. Gail shared her own story of walking headfirst into chronic stress—and not even realising it at the time.

What unfolded was a powerful reminder that stress isn’t always about what’s happening around us. It’s also about what’s happening within us.

When stress becomes the soundtrack to your life

Many of us have grown up believing that being stressed is just part of being successful. That pressure is the price of achievement. Gail shared how she climbed the corporate ladder, hit every milestone, and still felt like she wasn’t good enough.

The deadlines. The long hours. The mental chatter telling her she needed to be better. All of it quietly eroded her wellbeing.

"I just thought that was how life was. You get through the week, cram your weekend with distractions, then start dreading Monday all over again."—Gail Grace

I was nodding along to Gail as she shared this. Everything she said I personally experienced, and have also worked on this with many of my clients.

Stress, especially in midlife, often hides in plain sight. It becomes your normal. But normal doesn’t mean healthy. And it certainly doesn’t mean sustainable.

**Understanding what stress really is**

One of the most powerful takeaways from my conversation with Gail was this:

“Stress is not the event. It’s the story you tell yourself about it.”

There are things in life that will always be out of your control—an unexpected email, a partner’s bad mood, a difficult conversation, someone cutting you up in the supermarket car park. But how long those things impact you? That’s shaped by your internal response.

Gail introduced the 90-second rule: when something stressful happens, your body floods with cortisol and adrenaline. But physically, those hormones dissipate after 90 seconds. What makes the stress linger is the story you attach to it.

The overthinking. The guilt. The spiral of "what ifs". That’s what turns stress into chronic stress symptoms.

Having experienced chronic stress for the majority of my adult life, I know the power of your thoughts—the inner narrative that you run like a Duracell battery in your head. Those thoughts take hold like weeds, and gain traction so that you simply believe they’re just part of being human, and it’s natural to think this way.

**Midlife is already full—you don’t need more pressure**

For many women, **perimenopause and stress** collide at exactly the same moment as life feels its most intense. Careers, kids, ageing parents, relationships—the responsibilities stack up.
But the truth is, stress isn’t just about what’s on your plate. It’s about how heavy that plate feels. And that’s often shaped by:
Perfectionism
People-pleasing
Beliefs about needing to prove your worth
Guilt for resting or stepping back
**Managing stress in midlife** means rewriting those beliefs. It means building self-awareness so you can respond with intention instead of reactivity.

Three small steps to manage stress and avoid burnout

Gail shared three simple, powerful ways to begin shifting out of chronic stress and into a healthier state of calm and clarity:

1. Get clear on where the stress is actually coming from

Instead of saying, "everything feels overwhelming," try breaking it down. Score key areas of your life (work, family, health, relationships) out of 10. Notice where you’re most out of alignment. That’s where to start.

2. Watch your language

The stories you tell yourself shape how you feel. Instead of, "I never have time," ask, "What exactly don’t I have time for?" That small shift creates possibility instead of pressure.

3. Pause before spiralling

Next time something triggers stress, notice how your body feels. Wait 90 seconds. Breathe. Give yourself space before your mind jumps to worst-case scenarios. Most of what stresses us out lives in our thoughts, not reality.

Prioritising yourself is more important than ever in midlife.

Reframing self-care in a busy life

Gail was clear that self-care for busy women doesn’t always mean candles and baths (although those are lovely too). Real self-care looks like:

Saying no
Putting your phone down
Catching your inner critic
Asking for help
Slowing down, even just for a breath

These habits may feel small, but they’re the foundations of burnout recovery for women. They build resilience. And they remind you that you are allowed to care for yourself as you are, not once everything is perfect.

You have more power than you think

Life won’t stop being busy. But you can stop letting it bulldoze you.

You don’t have to be at rock bottom to make a change. You don’t need a breakdown to justify building better boundaries. You also don’t need to keep going as you are so that you’re one of the growing number of women experiencing burnout.

Start by asking: What do I actually want? Then let the answers guide how you show up—not just for everyone else, but for yourself too. Because you deserve to give yourself what you need as you navigate all things menopause and midlife.

Listen to the conversation as I dive deeper with Gail on Women’s Health Unwrapped:

Listen to the episode

Like this topic? Find out more with these additional FREE resources:

Listen to one of my first podcast episodes with April Likins on shifting from burnout to balance.
Get key facts and strategies for recognising burnout, with practical tools for prevention and recovery from Mental Health UK.
A straightforward overview of how stress affects the body and mind from the NHS - perfect for women navigating unexplained fatigue or emotional overload.
Watch this podcast with Mel Robbins and Jay Sheet if you struggle with stress and anxiety.