How to reclaim confidence and self-worth in midlife
Lost your confidence?
You haven’t lost your confidence.
You haven’t failed or fallen short.
You’re just in a new chapter—and the version of you that once felt sure of herself is ready to be redefined.
If you’ve found yourself questioning your ability, second-guessing your decisions or simply feeling a little out of sync with who you are… you’re not alone. And there’s nothing wrong with you.
TEDx speaker and coach Helen Packham recently joined me on myWomen’s Health Unwrapped podcast and shared her deeply personal story of anxiety, burnout and rebuilding her sense of self after motherhood, mental health struggles and stepping away from alcohol.
This conversation is a reminder that confidence isn’t something you go out and find. It’s something that re-emerges when you come home to yourself. Having experienced my own personal battle with low confidence and self-worth, this conversation was one that resonated with me and I know will support and inspire you if you’re feeling like you’ve lost yourself in the midst of menopause and midlife.
The myth of lost confidence
Confidence doesn’t disappear—it gets buried. Under the weight of responsibilities, shifting hormones, changing identities and the constant pace of life, it’s easy to feel like the grounded, capable version of you has gone missing.
But what if it’s not gone? What if it’s just quiet? What if the noise of your busy life and shifting hormones is simply shouting louder, and pushing your confidence aside?
Helen describes how, after returning to work post-maternity, she felt like an imposter in her own life. Her skills hadn’t vanished—but her sense of identity had shifted so much, it felt like everything had fallen apart. This story is one so many women in midlife will recognise. Whether it’s driven by career, motherhood, menopause—or all three—this feeling of being untethered is more common than we talk about.
And that’s exactly why we need to talk about it.
Why we numb and distract
When life feels overwhelming, it’s completely human to reach for something that helps you cope. Helen spoke honestly about how she used alcohol, and later sugar and social media, as ways to escape from her feelings. Sound familiar?
What starts as a distraction often becomes a coping mechanism. But what are we really avoiding?
Sometimes it’s boredom. Sometimes it’s discomfort. Often, it’s the quiet whisper of “this isn’t working for me”—and we haven’t yet created space to listen. It’s easier to scroll, pour a glass of wine, or stay busy than it is to pause and feel what’s really there.
But healing and self-worth doesn’t come from escape. It comes from turning gently inward.
Moving toward yourself
Helen uses a beautiful phrase in the episode:
“I move toward myself and away from distraction.”
That simple reframe changes everything. Because when we centre everyone else—our families, our work, our to-do lists—we decentre ourselves. And then we wonder why we feel lost and like we don’t even recognise who we are anymore.
The path back to confidence starts with small steps toward self-awareness:
What do I need right now?
What brings me calm?
What drains me?
These questions don’t need big dramatic answers. Sometimes it’s a breathwork session instead of pushing through. Sometimes it’s switching off the phone and going outside. Sometimes it’s just giving yourself permission to feel what’s showing up.
Confidence comes from consistency
Confidence doesn’t arrive in a single breakthrough moment, or from going on yet another presentation training course. It’s built, quietly, in the background. Through daily choices. Through habits that ground you. Through doing the things that remind you of your strength, even when it feels messy.
Helen shared how exercise, yoga and planning short, achievable movement into her day has helped her stay connected to herself. It’s not about intensity. It’s about intention.
And as we talk about often on my podcast—it’s not about doing more. It’s about doing what matters—for you.
You haven’t lost it
You’ve just evolved. And the woman you are now is just as worthy, just as capable—and maybe even wiser—than the one you used to be. Confidence isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about remembering who you are, and knowing that you are enough, you are worthy.
And yet, during perimenopause, it’s common to feel like you don’t recognise yourself at all. The mood shifts, anxiety, brain fog and physical changes can leave you questioning everything—from your ability to show up at work to how you feel in your own skin, and even around your partner and family. The inner friction builds, and before you know it, your self-trust starts to erode.
But this season of change isn’t a loss—it’s an invitation.
✨ An invitation to slow down. ✨ To listen inward instead of pushing through. ✨ To honour what you need now—not strive to get back to what used to work before.
So if you’re feeling stuck or unsure or disconnected from your spark, here are three small but powerful steps Helen recommends:
Reconnect with your values: These will change over time. Let them. What matters most to you now?
Understand your needs: Give yourself permission to ask for what you need in your week, even if it feels indulgent.
Do more of what brings you joy.:Whether that’s dancing, gardening, mixing music, or joining a book club—joy reconnects you with yourself.
Let this blog be your reminder: You haven’t lost your confidence.
Menopause might be the trigger that makes you question who you are—but it can also be the turning point that brings you back to yourself.
You just needed a way to find your way back to you.
Want to explore this more?
Listen to the full conversation with Helen on Women’s Health Unwrapped:
Like this topic? Find out more with these additional FREE resources:
Read my blog on embracing midlife with confidence and joy.
Watch Helen Packham’s TEDx talk on the impact of motherhood on confidence and career.
Watch TED Talk – The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown as she shares embracing vulnerability to build courage and connection—with yourself and others.
Check out this Instagram reel by Jamie Kern Lima where she explains the difference between self-confidence and self-worth.
Feel like you’ve lost your confidence—but not quite sure how to get it back?
You are not alone—and you’re not broken.
If life has felt like a blur of responsibilities, shifting roles, and second-guessing yourself, it’s no wonder your confidence feels distant. But it hasn’t disappeared. It just needs space to re-emerge.
My free Perimenopause Revival Guide will gently help you reconnect with your body, tune into what really matters, and rebuild your sense of calm, clarity, and self-trust—one small step at a time.
Inside you’ll find simple, realistic ways to support your energy, reduce overwhelm, and feel more like you again—without needing to fix, force or prove anything.
Download your free guide and start finding your way back to yourself.
