What I would say to my younger self
Would you meet up with your younger self and what would you tell her?
There’s a social media trend circulating, and although I’m not usually one to jump onto these kinds of trends, I’m jumping on it!
I’ve read quite a few of the posts from other women joining the trend, and honestly, so many of them have brought me to tears. Now, I’m not intentionally writing this with the hope of getting you to reach for the tissues, but I feel like this is an exercise we could all do with getting involved in - it’s powerful and cathartic.
So, here we go my friend….
It’s 1996 and I see her sitting there looking so lost and afraid
I met my 20 year old self for a coffee (decaf of course) the other day and she asked me -
“When I’m 50 will I look like Blanche from The Golden Girls? Will I have short greying hair and be a spinster, living with some girlfriends just trying to make the best of the years I have left?”
“Oh no!” I told her.
“When you’re 50 you won’t live like The Golden Girls or look remotely like any of them. You’re going to be much more like Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte in ‘And Just Like That’ - of course, I had to tell her that her very much loved TV programme ‘Sex And The City’ stops and years later comes back under a new title where the glamorous flamboyant young women she admires are now in their fifties, and still showing the women (and men) of New York how to live!”
“You might not have the wardrobe, money, or Manhattan apartment that Carrie has, but you’re going to be living your life in a way that matters to you, so you feel confident, vibrant, passionate and empowered. You'll have more than you ever believed was possible for you.”
She looks at me with total confusion and asks -
“What the hell happens to me? There’s no way that’s me?”
Midlife no longer means accepting that you’re old and have less to offer!
I sit there and smile a knowing smile. I wish I could shift what I feel inside of me, in my heart, soul and gut, and let her experience those feelings, even for just a couple of minutes.
“I know how you feel right now, and that this future version of yourself seems like an impossible reach. I remember what that feeling was like. It scares us doesn't it? You wonder how you’re going to make it to 40, let alone 50. It feels like the world has played a cruel joke on you. Those thoughts are always whirling around in your head, that tight, nervous feeling in your chest and tummy, they make you believe you are flawed. You believe that there is something inherently wrong with you. But there isn’t.”
She has a tear trickling down from her left eye and wipes it away. She breathes a heavy, deep, tired breath.
“I want to know that I am normal.” She replies.
“Oh my girl, you are so much more than normal. That normal you crave to be, the desperate feelings you have to look like everyone else, to be a certain size and wear those clothes you think will make you fit in, it’s not what is meant for you. That stuff won't fix you and give you the confidence you yearn for. It won’t bring you your Prince Charming or the calmness you think will take away the dread and fear that you’re about to die.”
Her confusion speaks to my heart and I reach out to take her hand. I squeeze it tight and lower my voice -
“You are you. You are a powerful woman who is going to learn that she is enough. You will have everything that your heart desires. You will get it by taking it one step at a time, learning, trying, feeling, believing, hurting, and picking yourself up to keep moving forward.”
“It’s going to be hard but it is going to be oh so very worth it. Everything you’re feeling right now and what is going to come over the next 26 years…”
She gasps and I see the fear shining through her dark brown eyes.
“It is all leading you to exactly where you are meant to be.”
You need to know that you are enough
It’s here that I also have to take a deep inhale, hold it a moment, and slowly let it out. I feel what she’s feeling and know those feelings so very well. I’ve shed for so many years of my life to be someone different. To look different, to speak different, to think different. I’ve regretted how many years I’ve spent wanting something different to who I was.
But it’s only now that I know I was different all along. I was and am enough.
“You are going to live a life that is full, one that you will look back on with gratitude and pride. Stay true to who you are and know that one day you will rise and step into your power - like a butterfly realised from it’s chrysalis. Your story is going to empower so many women, including your beautiful daughter.”
I have to leave now.
I take one final look and smile at my younger self. She has a daughter, she is smiling, and more tears trickle down her cheeks. We lock eyes, and we know that the hurt, the pain, the worry, the anger, it is all part of our story - the one we get to share to help our daughter and the daughters of so many other women grow up embracing who they are and knowing that they too are enough.
Would you meet your younger self?
This was me at 19 years of age in 1995 when I spent the summer working as an au-pair in the US. It was after this trip that my life changed.
Like this trend and want to take a look at some of the stories from other women?
Here are just a few of my favourites:
A friend of mine shared this personal story on her LinkedIn: Take a read
Take a read of my friend Sarah Cawood’s trip down memory lane on Instagram
