You’re Not Broken, You’re Burnt Out
Why are so many women in midlife struggling with stress and burnout?
You wake up tired, open up your bursting inbox, power through meetings, tick off tasks, and end the day wondering where you went in the middle of all of it.
You’ve always been the strong one — the organiser, the dependable one. But lately, you feel frayed.
Not broken. But not quite whole either.
You wonder if the “old you” is gone and lost forever…
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not failing.
In this blog, we’re diving into a powerful conversation I recently had with stress and burnout coach (and my lovely friend) Ronél Pretorius, who shares why high-functioning women are often the ones most at risk of burnout — and how to gently build your way back.
There’s so much to support you if you’re feeling broken and can feel your body, and mind, crumbling under life’s stresses.
When coping becomes your identity
For many women in today’s modern, fast-paced world, especially in corporate roles or caregiving positions, stress becomes a way of life. It feels like something that just goes with the territory of being a woman. You stop noticing the signs: the missed meals, the late-night emails, the weekends that don’t feel like breaks.
You’ve learned to cope so well, you don’t even question it (or try searching for an alternative way of doing things). Until your body does.
Ronél calls this the “cost of coping.” A slow erosion of energy, joy and connection that eventually tips you into survival mode. She knows — she’s been there (I have too). And the road back doesn’t start with an overhaul. It starts with awareness, and a dose of self-compassion on the side.
Burnout in midlife isn’t just exhaustion
Burnout isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it looks like forgetting your words in a meeting, skipping lunch again, or crying on the drive home. It might be the regular colds you keep catching or the mid-afternoon energy crashes you seem to be hitting daily.
Midlife only magnifies the impact. As our hormones shift during perimenopause, our resilience changes too. What worked in your 30s — pushing through, skipping sleep, running on adrenaline — stops working.
And yet, because you’re still functioning, it’s easy to brush it off and to keep telling yourself you just need to keep going. Until your body stages an intervention.
Rethinking what self-care really means
Self-care isn’t something you earn once a month with a bubble bath. It’s how you treat yourself when no one’s watching. It’s choosing breath over busyness. Presence over productivity.
Ronél reminds us that the most powerful self-care habits are the simplest:
Breathing for one minute before your next meeting
Sitting outside with your tea — without your phone
Asking yourself: how do I feel right now?
Recovery isn’t a big life event. It’s a practice. And one that starts small, with simple self-care practices like these. It’s realising and accepting that caring for yourself is something that has to come top — now, not when you have more time, or more money, or less kids at home! Self-care is about your daily habits and choices, the things that become a part of who you are, rather than the once a week on a Sunday to feel like you’re treating yourself and putting a great big tick in the box for “you”.
“True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake. It is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from.”
Resetting with the 3A’s Framework
Ronél’s simple and powerful habit change method is perfect when life already feels full. She shared how using this framework can guide you to slowly and consistently try out new changes to take better care of yourself.
Anchor it: Pair your new habit with something you already do. Breathe while the kettle boils. Journal while you wait in the car.
Acknowledge it: Notice what’s coming up for you. What does this habit shift in your body? In your mood? That awareness creates momentum.
Adjust it: Life isn’t linear. Some days, you’ll forget. Other days, you won’t feel like it. That’s okay. Show up again tomorrow.
What if you didn’t wait for the breakdown?
So many women wait for something to break before they prioritise themselves. The diagnosis. The sleepless nights. The tearful drive home.
But you don’t have to wait for the crisis, and you shouldn’t be waiting until life forces you to make the change you know deep down you need to make.
You can choose presence now. You can choose breath now. You can choose you, now.
Key takeaways
Being the “strong one” can be emotionally and physically costly if not balanced with rest.
Perimenopause adds layers of complexity to stress, making burnout more likely.
You can start resetting today by choosing one small grounding habit.
Boundaries are not just possible — they are essential.
My final thought
Burnout doesn’t arrive all at once. It’s a slow drift away from yourself. The signs are always there, you just need to choose to feel and see them.
The good news? You can return. And, if you’re reading this and realising that perhaps you’re on the road to burnout, you can prevent it.
With small breaths, honest pauses and habits that support — not deplete — you.
You don’t need a breakdown to begin again. You just need one moment, one pause, one shift. Let this be your signal to begin again.
Listen to the episode with Ronél for more insights on navigating stress and burn out in midlife:
Interested in this topic? Find out more with these additional FREE resources:
Listen to one of my first podcast episodes with stress management coach April Likins episode where we explore reducing stress and find balance.
Check out this blog where I dive into ‘Why you need to get a grip on stress’.
Listen to Ronél’s podcast “Unrushed: Less Stress, More Meaning”
You’ve learned to cope. To push through. To hold it all together.
But lately, you can feel the cracks. You’re tired, unfocused, and stretched too thin. You keep telling yourself it’s just a busy season — but deep down, you know something needs to shift.
This isn’t about doing less. It’s about doing it differently.
The Midlife Reset Quiz helps you:
💛 Spot the habits and hidden stressors quietly draining your energy.
💛 Understand how midlife changes may be affecting your mood and motivation.
💛 Discover one simple shift that can help you feel more clear, calm and in control again.
✨ Take the Midlife Reset Quiz now and choose a better way to support yourself — before burnout makes the choice for you.
