How to manage your emotions in midlife
Your emotional wellbeing matters
For many women, emotions are something we push aside. We tell ourselves to “just get on with it,” to stay strong, and not let emotions get in the way. Perhaps the narrative that women are “always so emotional” has led you to push down emotions, seeing them as a sign of weakness. And like most people, you’ve never been taught how to manage your emotions. But what if suppressing emotions is actually making you weaker?
Your emotions affect more than just your mood, they influence your daily choices, habits, and even your physical wellbeing.
In this blog, inspired by my powerful conversation with Hayley T. Wheeler, an emotional transformation expert, we’re unpacking how emotions shape our daily choices, our health, and ultimately, the quality of our lives.
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, stuck in a cycle of emotional reactions, or unsure why certain feelings keep coming back, then read on!
How your emotions change in midlife
Midlife can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. The hormonal shifts of perimenopause can heighten anxiety, overwhelm, create rapidly changing moods, and even bring about feelings of self-doubt. But beyond biological changes, midlife is also a time of reflection, transition, and redefining who we are—which can stir up emotions we may not have fully processed.
Hayley explains that many of us were raised in a culture that glorifies "getting on with it" and suppressing emotions, often without realising the impact this has on our mental and physical health. But emotional suppression doesn’t make feelings disappear—it just buries them deeper, where they continue to affect our thoughts, behaviours, and relationships.
When we enter our perimenopause season of life, the chaotic shifts in our hormones - primarily oestrogen and progesterone - causes many imbalances including changes in our brain, and for women who have previously struggled with PMS, PMDD, or other types of depression, these can wreak emotional havoc. All of this change can lead to suppressed emotions rising to the surface and disrupting both mental and physical wellbeing. Midlife and menopause amplify emotional responses.
If you feel like you’re often riding an emotional rollercoaster, know that you’re not alone. Start by checking in with yourself to get curious with how you are feeling and why.
Breaking free from emotional suppression
Hayley explains that our emotions don’t just disappear, they are stored in what she calls an “emotional vessel.” Every time you suppress sadness, frustration, anger, or anxiety instead of dealing with it, you’re stuffing it into this vessel. One of the most powerful messages from my conversation with Hayley is that emotions should be embraced, not feared. When we allow ourselves to feel, we gain clarity, self-awareness, and the ability to manage life's challenges with confidence.
Signs you’re holding onto unprocessed emotions
➡ Managing stage: You rely on habits like over-exercising, drinking, or scrolling social media to cope.
➡ Coping stage: You start reacting impulsively, snapping at loved ones, feeling constantly irritable, or using distractions to escape.
➡ Crisis stage: You hit rock bottom. Your emotions take over, and your usual coping strategies no longer work.
Practical steps to start releasing emotions today
If you’re ready to learn how to manage your emotions, here are three simple steps to get started:
1️⃣ Develop emotional awareness: Start by naming your emotions. When you feel frustrated, sad, or anxious, say it out loud or write it down. Awareness is the first step to releasing and managing your emotions.
2️⃣ Shift from reaction to choice: The next time you feel triggered, pause. Instead of immediately reacting, take a moment to choose how you want to respond. If you missed this and realise after reacting, that’s okay. reflect on what the trigger was, how it made you feel, and how it felt to respond the way you did.
3️⃣ Find a healthy release method: This could be journaling, movement, deep breathing, or even simply acknowledging and sitting with the emotion instead of pushing it away.
You have the power to challenge and change your emotions
If you take one thing away from this, let it be this: You are in control of your emotions, not the other way around.
As Hayley so powerfully puts it: “I am the most important person in my world.”
This isn’t about selfishness, it’s about recognising that when you prioritise your emotional health, everything in your life benefits. You show up with more energy, resilience, and clarity, which positively impacts your work, relationships, and overall sense of fulfilment.
So, if midlife is feeling like an emotional storm, don’t ignore it, embrace it. Learn from it. And most importantly, take the time to nurture your emotional wellbeing. By understanding how emotions shape our lives, choosing to release what no longer serves us, and developing tools to respond rather than react, we can step into a healthier, more empowered version of ourselves. And in midlife and menopause, I think we could all do we this!
Find out more in this podcast episode with Hayley T. Wheeler where we explore how to manage your emotions:
Like this topic? Dive into these additional FREE resources:
Take a listen to another of my podcast episodes with Helen Keylnack where we talk about the importance of pausing and strategies to help regulate your nervous system: The Power of Pausing
Take a look at the factsheet on emotional wellness in menopause from The British Menopause Society
Read this guide from Mind with 5 tips to respond rather than react
Want to build habits to better manage your emotions in menopause?
Start today with my FREE guide containing 10 powerful tips for building healthier habits, including ones to support your mood and mental wellbeing so you feel more in control of your emotions. Download below:
‘10 Ways to Feel Good Again: Your Perimenopausal Revival Guide’
