Why midlife women feel stuck

Many women in midlife find themselves stuck in a loop of overthinking, all-or-nothing thinking, and guilt. They place such unrealistic expectations on themselves. The pressure to be perfect – whether that’s in our health, parenting, work or friendships – leads to paralysis. When we can’t do it all perfectly, we often do nothing at all. Too much pressure ends up doing the opposite of what you intended – nothing!

Why willpower isn’t the problem

If you’ve ever told yourself, “I just need more motivation,” you’re not alone. But motivation isn’t the real issue. Nor is it willpower, even though we repeatedly tell ourselves if we had a little bit more of this super ingredient, we’d be able to do what we want to do. The problem is perfectionism, procrastination, and a lack of self-trust. It’s not waiting until you’re more disciplined and motivated. You don’t need to overhaul your whole life – you need to take one small, manageable step that helps you feel better today.

The identity shift that changes everything

This isn’t about focusing on fixing what is wrong with you and becoming a ‘new you’ overnight. It’s about growing into the woman you want to be. Like planting a seed, you nurture your future self with consistent, small steps. You don’t rush a seed to grow – you trust the process. You don’t wait for the perfect conditions. You show up in imperfect ways. You accept and commit to the process taking time, to evolve to the result you want to achieve. Reframing your mindset to realise that living and feeling how you want to feel is simply a process of evolving into this future version of you is where the power lies.

What would your future self thank you for today?

Instead of focusing on what you’ve not done or failed to achieve in the past, ask yourself: “What would the future version of me choose right now?” She might choose to walk for five minutes during her lunch break, add greens to her dinner, or put her phone down early before bed. One small act is enough. You’re casting a vote for the future version of you.

A woman in sportswear perched on the top of a mountain looking through a set of binoculars into the distance, imagining what her future life could look like. — Creating a clear vision of the future you is a powerful way to prime your mind and anchor yourself to how it will feel to live this life.

A real-life reframe: Sarah’s story

I’d love to share a little insight into a recent client I’ve worked with.

Sarah came to coaching feeling overwhelmed. She hadn’t exercised in years and was stuck in a cycle of self-judgement and rumination. She felt that she’d ‘wasted so many years’ of her life not working out and being unfit. This showed up as guilt, regret, and a barrier to starting to exercise. Together, we stripped it back to unwrap what she was thinking and feeling, and most importantly, to create a clear vision of what the future Sarah lived and felt like.

We then created a plan to begin building new, healthier habits around movement and exercise. Sarah’s first step? A five-minute walk after parking her car at her workplace int he morning. That single action helped shift her entire mindset — not because it was big, but because she followed through. It was the beginning of Sarah building trust in herself.

Why small wins are not small at all

Sarah didn’t need to make up for the lost years. She just needed to start showing up for herself right now. Small wins rebuild trust. They reinforce that you are a woman who takes care of her health – even when life is busy. Every small action is a message to yourself: “You can trust you.”

My six step mindset reframe to create change in midlife:

I’m sharing with you below 6 powerful tools to use to reframe your mindset to create the change you want in menopause and midlife, so you can shift your energy, take action to improve the way you feel, live, and thrive – because we all want (and deserve) to thrive, rather than only just about survive.

1. Break it down and go micro: Big goals are great, but they can be overwhelming. Break them down into tiny, achievable actions – remember those small steps which create momentum and change? So, if you want to feel stronger, just start with a 10-minute stretch in the morning or 10 squats as you wait for the kettle to boil. Want better energy? Drink a glass of water when you wake up. Ask yourself: "What’s one small step I can take today?"

2. Use identity-based language: Stop saying, “I need to start…” and begin saying, “I am a woman who…” For example: “I am a woman who prioritises her wellbeing.” Even if you’re not there yet, speak it into existence. Say it as though it is this way already, which is a proven tool to help build new habits and create change. This reinforces who you are becoming.

3. Ditch perfection: Perfection is not the goal. Progress is. Every time you take a small step, acknowledge it. If you need to remind yourself to do this, try adding a weekly check-in appointment into your calendar and use it to reflect on your week. Added nuts and seeds to your morning berries? Celebrate it. Went to bed 15 minutes earlier? That counts. Progress builds momentum. Knowing that you’re making progress towards your bigger goal is key to building a mindset of self-belief.

4. Celebrate every win: Regularly check in with what you're doing and acknowledge every single step that you’ve taken towards your goals. These micro celebrations will rebuild self trust and belief. Recognising the steps you are taking and celebrating them re-enforces that you are on a journey and moving forward towards where you want to get to. This is an easy one to forget to do, so add a reminder into your calendar or phone to have this weekly check-in and reflection.

5. Interrupt overthinking with action: Rumination can feel like quicksand. The best way out? Action. Set a 5-minute timer and just begin something – tidy, journal, stretch, walk. It breaks the cycle and shifts your energy instantly. My personal favourite interruption habit is moving my body. It often looks like getting outside for a walk, or popping on some classic dance music and working out, even for 10-minutes. I believe moving your body is the fastest way to shift your mood and energy and get you ready to take action. Just move in any way you can – stretch, walk, dance, or garden. Your energy will shift and your body will thank you.

6. Anchor your thoughts: Use journalling or prompt cards/notes to ask yourself: “What would my future self do today?” or “What can I do right now to support my health?” Writing it down gets it out of your head and back into perspective. Keep it simple. Focus on the vision you’ve created for the future you, and step into this to focus on what one small, simple step you can take today.

A woman sitting at a wooden table with an open journal, a pen and a cup of coffee about to write about how she wants to improve her health and wellbeing. — **Start small.**

Pick one of these 6 powerful tools to begin building a new habit for. Each of these can be gradually added into your personal wellness toolkit to guide you towards your bigger health and happiness goals.

Showing up for your future self

Change doesn’t come all at once. It doesn’t miraculously happen because you’ve set your mind to wanting it. Like a seed turning into a plant or a mountain being climbed one step at a time, your progress is built slowly and steadily. Trust the process. Don’t wait for the perfect conditions – nurture what you want to grow.

Choose compassion over pressure

You don’t need to get it right every day. What you need is self-compassion, consistency, and the belief that even your imperfect efforts count. That’s where real growth begins.

Your turn to begin

Ask yourself: what’s one promise you can keep today?

This is where it starts. One small promise kept today builds confidence for tomorrow. You’re ticking the box for yourself, building self-trust and self-belief. One step towards the woman you want to be. You don’t need a total transformation – you just need to start. The transformation will come as a result of consistent (gradual) progress.

What will your next step be?

Let me know – DM or tag me on Instagram @lifenow_coaching or share your story with me in an email at nicola@lifenow.uk

And if this resonated with you, share it with a friend who might need this gentle nudge, too. Because when we start with one step, we begin becoming her. The woman we desire, and deserve to be as we thrive through midlife and menopause.

Listen to the podcast episode where I share this powerful mindset shift:

Listen to the episode

Like this topic? Find out more with these additional FREE resources:

Check out this popular podcast episode where I deep-dive into What's really stopping you from taking better care of yourself?
Watch this episode of the Mel Robbins podcast where she talks all about shifting your mindset and making your mind work for you.
Take a look at these free journalling prompts for improving mental health from Positive Psychology.

The midlife reframe: 6 Steps to shift, act and thrive

Why midlife women feel stuck